My parents sent me to psychiatrists, who mostly just put me on drugs. I don't take them anymore. For a long time I wanted to kill myself. I used to be a cutter. I also used to be very promiscuous, but not anymore. I haven't had sex with anyone in about seven years.
Looking back, it's hard to believe how promiscuous I really was. Everyone at my high school knew I would 'do it'. I spent one summer lying on an old mattress in a friend's basement, letting guys come down one by one to fuck me and sometimes slap me around. I even tried hitchhiking for sex on I55, hoping I'd get kidnapped - or worse..
So anyway, I'm 23 now, I've learned to live with myself, and I've found other outlets for whatever is wrong with my head. I get off on hurting myself. I get off on things that normally disgust people. Sometimes I do really nasty things and I have to go to the hospital. Things like shit, vomit, decay, insects and rodents make me horny. That's just me.
I have this page because I like talking about what I do, and I like exchanging emails with people with similar problems (or interests!). I show up on IRC sometimes. Lately I've been using Yahoo Messenger more.
I posted sort of a diary on this page, and after it was over I wrote out the entire expreience.
If you really want to know how low I get, click on the link
below and read it. If you're a normal person, don't. It's really disgusting.